“He’s not coming if she is, or vice versa”
I thought we’d start with the worst case scenario. Here you can speak to both of them separately and then later together. Explain to them how much you love your fiancé and that your day will not be as happy if they’re both not there to share it with you. Tell them that this is one day out of their lives, but the first day of the rest of yours. Whatever you do, keep calm, don’t yell and let them know what’s in your heart.
If this doesn’t work, then the only other thing is to let one of them drop out or you’ll have to choose which one you want at your wedding more. (We truly hope it doesn’t come down to this!)
“I’m not going if he’s bringing her!!!!”
Again, use the technique above and if that fails you have every right not to invite the “new better half”. This is a day for family and if you’re not close to your parent’s new spouse/friend and their invitation will cause extra problems, then it’s not worth it.
Let’s say, your father won’t come if he can’t bring his wife/girlfriend, he has now made his decision to bow out. Isn’t it a pity how some parents don’t realize that the only thing they have in common is you at this point, and they’re not willing to makeup for the sorrow they caused you when they got divorced.
“No way in hell I’m sitting beside him!!!”
That’s fine. Nowhere is it written that divorced parents have to sit together. In the case that they really can’t stand each other, at the ceremony, your mother usually sits in the front row and your father in the row behind her. You could also separate them by seating them both in the front row with other relatives between them (like referees). At the reception. they can be seated at different tables. Seat them with people they like, they won’t even notice if they’re enjoying the evening.
Divorced Payment Plan
Let’s say you were counting on getting some financial help from your parents but now they’re arguing about paying for things that will be enjoyed by ex-inlaws the day of the wedding. In this case we suggest that you pay for services that everyone uses (venue, caterer, liquor, etc.) and your parents can pay for personal services (flowers, beauty, wedding gown, limo, etc.).
You could also choose to pay for the wedding yourselves and if you need financial assistance ask your parents for a cash gift instead of a washer/dryer.
You’re Closer to Your Stepparent
If your stepparent is the one that raised you and the one you’re closer to, they can take the natural parent’s role in your wedding, i.e. planning it, walking you down the aisle, etc.
If you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and everyone agrees, then both fathers can walk you down the aisle. Your biological father should be honoured to know that you respect him enough to ask even though he hasn’t played a big part in your life. You can explain to your stepfather that you love him and appreciate everything he’s done for you, but you just have one more little favour!!!