When your wedding expectations don't match reality

When you first get engaged, “after the excitement wears off”, a touch of you might get a slight sense of panic when you think of all the planning you need to start doing and complete before the big day. As you go along you’ll discover what some of your wedding expectations are. I’m not just talking about the expectations of how your day will run, but also expectations of how the planning process will go, the family and friend dynamics, picking themes and colours and of course what it will be like to work with different vendors.

It is really important to work through and think about your expectations for your wedding. You won’t get what you expect unless you take a little time to sit down and take stock of what you’re really expecting to have happen on the day, and throughout the process (I know, it might sound really boring but stick with me here!).

There are two things that are incredibly important for you to do: 1) communicate your expectations, and 2) make sure they’re realistic. When you talk through your expectations with someone you’ll get to see if they are in fact possible, unrealistic, or really quite simple and in fact ideal for your wedding.

Sometimes your expectations can be out of this world and don’t worry; it’s not your fault. It starts with the things that we see on Pinterest, all over the Internet, and in celebrity reality shows and weddings (A full 20 x 20 floral wall? Ya, no problem, totally doable but you’re not going to fit that into a $30,000 wedding budget, sorry).

Another reason that your expectations can be a little out of whack are because you may simply just not know what things cost. It’s easy to see a wedding budget break down online but if it’s from the southern states, for example, and you live up here in Canada it’s not a realistic example for you (they have different seasons, are closer to floral distributors, have different venues, and the list goes on!)

There are a few different areas of expectations that you should take the time to discuss, not only with your fiancé but, with friends, family, wedding party, and of course your respective wedding vendors:

The Wedding Day

Your wedding day should be magical, but keep in mind it also is just one day. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or others that it all should be perfect. Think through and note the areas that are most important to you and make sure that, no matter what, they stay a part of your day. The rest is all just the cherry on top. Make sure you communicate all of those little details with the people helping you so that they can handle it and you can enjoy every moment (i.e. Where you want the place cards, if you have a surprise for the groom, if you want the sweets table set up at a certain time, etc.)

The Planning Process

The planning process should be a ton of fun. Some of our brides come to us thinking that it’s going to be very simple, others come to us thinking that it’s going to be the most stressful time of their life (which is often why they’ve approached us in the first place). Make sure you communicate your expectations with your friends and family and, of course with, your wedding vendors. If you’re working with a planner make sure they know what you expect, and some of the areas that stress you out the most. They will steer you in the right direction and make the planning process a lot more enjoyable for you. Like I always say; “If it’s stressful then you’re probably not doing it right” and I truly believe this. There are so many ways to take the stress out of planning your wedding (but they all require a lot of preparation!).

Your Budget

The wedding budget can be a stressful thing in and of itself. It’s hard to know what things cost and where to even place your money. The very first thing to do when starting your planning is to sit down and do up a budget. If you’re working with a planner, this makes managing the wedding finances a lot easier (they’ll do a budget up for you!). If you’re not, do some Google searching for some great templates to get you started. You’ll probably have to start collecting prices on what things are in your area before you can get a realistic idea of what a real budget even looks like. Start with the number you want (10k, 40k, etc) and do your best to work backwards to fill in all the line item numbers. You will see very quickly if your expectations meet reality. Be sure to talk to your family or anybody that might be contributing to the budget and get a good idea, early on, of what their contribution to the cost might be. Surprises with the budget are always the most stressful ones.

Your Wedding Party

You might have a wedding party of two people, or you might have a wedding party of 20 people but either way you’ll have certain expectations for them. Sit down and make a list of the things that you hope to have them be a part of and responsible for (making the slide show, doing a speech, planning a shower, helping you assemble invites etc). Be sure you communicate your expectations with them and make sure these are things that they’re willing and able to handle (do this early, so they can schedule in helping you as much as possible. We all live busy lives, so advance notice is great for all!).

Working with your vendors

There may be an expectation that you can get a hold of your vendor at any time; day or night and that they’ll reply to you instantly. Most wedding planners, and any other wedding vendor, have multiple weddings going on at the same time. This is what we do as a living, so we have to schedule our time very strategically and make sure each of our clients get the service they deserve. Most wedding vendors will be very straightforward on how long they will take to get back to emails or phone calls and will do their best to be prompt. Just keep in mind that if you contact them between a Friday and a Monday morning, you might have to wait a couple days to hear back from them. Most vendors work all weekend long and have a weekend (or a day off) during the week, so be patient but remember that they are doing their best to take care of everybody in a timely manner.

You’ll notice in a lot of our other post we talk about your wedding budget being one of the first things you tackle and work on in the planning process. Next to your wedding budget we would definitely say your expectations would be the second priority. Once you have these two areas planned out you can really move forward having taken out a lot of the stress and uncertainty of the process. When you know your expectations and know what’s realistic you can really keep yourself on track.

Let us know what you think! What expectations do you have for your wedding? What expectation bubbles were quickly popped as you started planning?